I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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