Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In other news, I just burned my penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
