I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
