Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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