made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
