He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
