I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is wine microwaveable?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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