So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
