You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
