Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
