im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
