I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
