U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
