what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
