this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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