Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
