Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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