its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
