help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
