I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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