I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
