I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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