We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
