dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
