I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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