Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
