Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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