Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
