I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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