Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
