Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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