Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
