it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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