Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
