Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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