Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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