Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this boner is exhausting
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
