I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
