Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
