I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
