I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
