I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
