I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
