Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
