I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
