We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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