How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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