Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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