I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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