she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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