I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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