the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
