This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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